John Doe
1901 – 2013
Died aged 112

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Overdosed on Viagra.
His wife took it very hard.

Is it too late to lose my virginity?

Where did it all go wrong?

One foot in the grave.
The other not found.

Died mysteriously while playing Cluedo. Was it Colonel Mustard in the library?

Here lies Jamie Lee Curtis – ‘The Body’

Despite his claims, was not immortal.

Worked in a church tower. Died when struck by a massive bell end.

Died horrifically in a freak tiddlywinks accident

Told Voldemort to go fuck himself

Here lies Mick Jagger. Stone dead.

Buried in a solid gold, diamond-encrusted coffin. Because I could.

Brutal murderer and rapist.
Will be dearly missed.

Died doing what he loved;
his wife.